Expert Psychologist Arzu Hamurcu said that communication in marriages should be transparent and honest and said, “Superficial communication and not expressing needs cause silence in relationships.”
Stating that silent marriages can occur after superficial communication, Expert Psychologist Arzu Hamurcu said, “Silent marriages are actually relationships with emotional and superficial communication. In other words, after a while, the way of communication becomes superficial after a while, a deep bond does not form between them, and they are actually relationships in which the needs are thrown inside, never stated, and in many places, the needs are not expressed in the same period, so that there is no more discussion if possible, so that the taste of our mouth is not spoiled. If we look at the symptoms and how do we know when a relationship is becoming silent, when you start to feel that your needs are no longer understood by the other party over time, you may feel withdrawn from time to time. You may feel quieter or you may find yourself a little bit more socially isolated from that environment. This may indicate that your relationships have become quieter.”
Hamurcu said that people become silent when expectations are not realized and added: “When we look at the things that cause this, we definitely see communication problems. In other words, we see that people have excessive expectations from each other. When these expectations are not met, people start to become silent. In the same way, we can see personal problems. In other words, anger problems, stress, depending on many problems that may occur in their lives, people can react more strongly. In moments of problems or in other moments when there is no problem, and in this case, both the other party and the individual themselves begin to become silent in relationships. In the same way, unfortunately, we are not a society that knows how to talk to our emotions at many cultural points. In other words, we are in a culture that can talk about emotions or where the understanding of “I vomited blood and drank cranberry sherbet” is very common. Naturally, when we talk about our needs, we don't think it will be understood and we don't know how to talk about it. If we talk about a more fundamental problem; we are not even aware of what our needs are.”
Arzu Hamurcu said that in order to solve problems, couples should first get to know themselves, “Therefore, we must first get to know ourselves, know what we need, and then we must be aware of how to transfer this to the other party. Therefore, we must first turn the arrow to ourselves before turning it to the other side. When the person comes directly with a complaint, first of all, we say; “What can I do?” We need to add the question “What can I do?” Instead of saying “The existing problem is his problem”, we place a communication pattern in the form of “What can I do for this problem?” and with this, we recommend a more open, more accurate, more honest and transparent form of communication in which people reveal their vulnerable sides to themselves. Likewise, if they feel that this has turned into a problem among themselves, that they are in an insurmountable situation with their anger problems, we can recommend that they bring this issue up with a specialist. In addition, people can actually improve themselves and improve their communication by targeting personal development in their stress management, time management and planning. In order to prevent silent communication a little more, we recommend people to have common interests. If they can achieve common interests, common goals, common growth, they will have more topics to talk about and they will be a couple who can find themselves more understanding.”
