Every day, a new one is added to the incidents of “neglect and abuse of children”, which has become perhaps one of the most important problems of our day. Expert Psychological Counselor Dr. Lecturer. Prof. Bülent Tansel said, “Unfortunately, such tragic events are frequently encountered in our country as in the whole world and we are deeply affected as a society. Let's take action to protect our children before it is too late. Let's hear their silent cries and put a stop to abuse.”
Child sexual abuse, which is a crime against humanity in a sense, is among the issues that need to be emphasized. Stating that the most common type of neglect and abuse of children, which is generally explained in five sub-dimensions, is the emotional abuse of children in the world, Istanbul Gelisim University (IGU) Faculty of Economics, Administrative and Social Sciences (IISBF) Psychology Department Lecturer. Prof. Dr. Bülent Tansel said, “However, sexual abuse of children constitutes the most important dimension in terms of the traumatic effects it leaves on children throughout their lives. Sexual abuse is not forgotten throughout children's lives, but its negative effects can be reduced with psychotherapeutic interventions and appropriate social support.”
“Children's emotions are at least as strong as an adult's”
Stating that children who have not yet reached the age of puberty and have not yet experienced hormonal changes cannot have an idea about what sexuality is, Tansel said: “They cannot understand that such acts done to them are sexual or that they are abuse. However, they can feel that something bad is happening because children's feelings are at least as strong as an adult's. While reaching out to children, abusers take care of them, join them in their games, and try to gain their trust first. While in contact with the child, the abuser provides small rewards or opportunities that may not be approved by the family. If there is no response from the family, the abuser discovers that there is a communication gap between the child and the family and gradually prepares the child for abuse. Especially for young children, the faces they see for the first time are unfamiliar, but after seeing the same face for the second time, that person is no longer unfamiliar. One of the characteristics of the period in which children live is to please adults and fulfill their wishes. They strictly adhere to the rules of the game while playing. Abusers use this feature well and ask them to keep their abuse as a secret between them and the child by fictionalizing it as a game.”
“Children are abused by those closest to them”
Studies and existing reports indicate that children are abused by those closest to them. Prof. Dr. Lecturer. Prof. Bülent Tansel said, “In some families, close relatives such as uncles and uncles love children when they come home, of course this is normal. However, in abusive behaviors such as hugging and caressing, the child feels that something bad is happening, even though the child cannot understand that it is sexual. He/she tries to stay away from that relative, suggestions such as 'He/she is your uncle/uncle, he/she is trying to love you, why are you running away' confuse the child's mind. He starts to think that the bad thing he feels is actually the way adults love. Because the person he/she trusts most is his/her mother or father, who normalizes this behavior. Unfortunately, the abuse may continue.”
“The child's questions about sexual concepts should be answered correctly”
Stating that children may want to talk about sexual images or situations that they see, hear and witness on television, social media, living spaces, while spending time with their parents at home, Bülent Tansel gave the following warnings to families:
“If the family silences the child and makes sure that it is not talked about with concepts such as shame and sin, they awaken in the child the idea that such situations should not be discussed with family members. In these situations, the child will no longer talk to the family. Contrary to this attitude, which is very wrong and objectionable, family members should listen to the child calmly without interfering, and if they cannot answer immediately, they should research the issue or consult a specialist by telling the child that they will find out about it as soon as possible and talk to you. Families should always be accessible to their children, who are their most valuable assets. They should listen calmly to the child's verbal and behavioral expressions without ignoring or disregarding them, and make the child feel that they are with him/her no matter what. They should make it a topic of conversation how the day goes at school, in the playground, in the park, and they should have enough information about the people they encounter or communicate with.”
“The real struggle is not to deal with mosquitoes, but to drain the swamp”
In our country, especially in recent years, the discourses of some teachers or other experts working with children are surprising at a level that contradicts their areas of expertise. IGU Lecturer Bülent Tansel stated that there are grave statements such as 'there is no need for this', 'it is unnecessary to talk so openly', 'you normalize these issues as you talk about them' regarding the informative trainings given to them about child sexual abuse. Prof. Bülent Tansel said, “The real normalization stems from the fact that these issues are not talked about, swept under the carpet and ignored as if they do not exist. On the other hand, especially considering that pedophiles are sexually affected even by the passport photos of children, it is very important that families do not share their children's photos publicly on social media. The fight against child sexual abuse does not consist of sharing clichéd discourses and slogan culture on social media for a few days after the incidents. The real struggle is not to deal with mosquitoes, but to drain the swamp. Children should be taught what constitutes a 'good touch' and a 'bad touch', that it is their most natural right to say 'no' to situations they do not want or approve of, and programs should be created to help them internalize this. It would be much more efficient and effective to organize long-term structured psycho-educational group sessions on sexual abuse, rather than gathering a large number of students together and providing them with one hour of counseling on sexual abuse.Therefore, taking into account the age and developmental stages of children, an education curriculum that includes an interdisciplinary approach for children at pre-school, primary and secondary school levels, with pedagogical formation, should be created and implemented systematically in all schools immediately. On the other hand, it is necessary to provide qualified training on this issue, especially to specialists working with children, families and society.”
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